That's How I Learned to Pray

Have you ever looked up at the stars in the sky, felt a tug at your heart

Didn't know why but you just knew

Someone is up there lookin' out for you.

Well you know just what I mean when I say grace.

That's how I learned to pray.

                                            - Charlie Worsham

Whelp. Finals are over. My first year of law school is over. Granted, I finished up a little over a week ago. It's summer! Wooh! I should be thrilled. I'm really not. Since about March, I've been dreading the coming of summer. I knew that once my friends left and got busy I'd be on my own again. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy my own company well enough. I just enjoyed that law school gave me something to do.

I have way too much free time. In some ways, the last week has been harder on me than the weeks leading up to, and during, finals. Too much free time isn't good for a person, I think. Rest is important, for sure, but too much rest makes a person lazy. I'm itching to be working on something productive but at the same time, I can't bring myself to do much of anything at all.

I have been putting off writing this post because I was hoping to have something positive to talk about. Something like GREAT NEWS! or at least that things are going well. But that would be lying and unrealistic. I can't always have good things to talk about. I would have kept putting it off except that people have been asking for a blog post. I'm not trying to say that everything in my life is going wrong, because it's not. I have a fantastic vehicle. I have amazingly supportive parents. I have a wonderfully encouraging boyfriend and some pretty incredible friends. But aside from the vehicle, the positive influences in my life are just not here. And that makes things harder. Not impossible, though, just harder to manage. I'm learning how to deal with life as it is. The more I learn, the more I know things will get better.

If I'm being honest, it's hard to be optimistic about this summer. Things just don't seem to be working out like I had wanted. But isn't that true of most things? Our plans rarely seem to go as we plan them. I wanted to be in California -- I got turned down from every internship I applied for. I was hoping to take summer classes -- for several reasons, that didn't happen. I was hoping to have already started my internship -- I haven't heard back about scheduling. I was at least hoping to be working...but that's its own shenanigan.

After debating whether I should write about this, I ultimately decided to share my lovely job hunting experience because this is the primary reason of my present temporary discouragement. I had applied to several places and had been offered an interview from Best Buy, as a mobile sales consultant, and from career services, as a graduate assistant. I really wanted the job at Best Buy. Retail was not my first choice for paid positions, but the pay was good and the hours seemed to fit perfectly with what I needed. The career services position wasn't a terrible option, the pay just didn't quite meet the need I have for the summer.

After my interview with Best Buy, I received a phone call saying that I got the position. While I was pretty sure I had never wanted to work in retail again, I began to genuinely get excited. I liked the supervisor (the one who interviewed me) and the job seemed right up my alley. He told me to contact him the next day to figure out scheduling. When I talked to him the next day, he said that I actually still had to come in for one more interview, but made it seem like it was a matter of logistics. A week later, I was called to schedule an interview with the general manager. The interview caught me off guard. I put on my best face when I was told that they hadn't made any decisions yet. Looking back, I should have mentioned the fact that the supervisor had already offered me the job, just to see what he would have said to that. But I just smiled, said that I looked forward to hearing from them, and left. I figured that it wouldn't be wise to undermine the supervisor I would be working under before even getting the job (apparently). I was told I'd hear back from them the next day.

Two weeks went by and I hadn't heard from them. I tried contacting them several times and failed to reach anyone. Yesterday, I finally got an email saying I didn't get the job. When I checked the website to look at positions at other stores, I saw that the position was still open. My dad and I have several speculations as to what happened, but regardless, I was pretty mad. I have been ranting about how unprofessional the whole situation turned out to be. I had stopped applying to jobs once I had been told that I was offered the job. That was my mistake. Shouldn't have assumed I had a job until the paperwork was signed.

Now I'm just disappointed.

Thankfully, the Career Services offered me a position and have so far been following through with things. While it wasn't my first choice, I am grateful to have a job. Well, hopefully have a job. I'm a bit skeptical until papers are signed. In the meantime, I'm in limbo.

So that's current happenings. I'm waiting. As soon as thing change (for the better or for the worse) I will post an update. In the meantime, y'all get to share my limbo. I'm sorry that I can't provide a happier update. I'll try to be better next time. (I'm also sorry I don't have pictures. Haha)

Thanks for reading! Just seeing the page views give me the encouragement I need sometimes. Good luck, CSUN students, on your finals this week!! And papers. And general life stuff. Try to get some sleep. :)

P.S.  In case you're wondering: I picked today's song because it's the exact opposite of how I'm feeling, but definitely where I would like to be tomorrow.