How Deep the Father's Love for Us

I will not boast in anything
No gifts, no power, no wisdom
But I will boast in Jesus Christ
His death and resurrection.

                                                -Version by Chelsea Moon & Uncle Daddy

Wooh. So it has been a crazy couple of weeks. Orientation was last week which began my status as a law student. Oh yeah, this is happening. I think, actually, that last day of orientation, it hit me: I am really doing this. I am pursuing something that is so much bigger than myself. Even if I don't end up working on human rights (I sincerely hope I do; there's more on that later, actually), being a lawyer involves the lives of other people. This job requires more of me than anything I've ever done before.

Classes started on Monday, and let me say, I was terrified. I was so anxious I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep, I just didn't feel prepared enough for anything. Tuesday was slightly less so, since I had already gone through day 1, but they were all new professors, so I was still nervous. I really like my professors. They're all passionate people who care about teaching well and bringing out excellence in their students. We have to think and speak intelligently and thoroughly. I've volunteered a lot in my classes so I don't get called on for something I don't know. So far, it's worked out for me. :]

The subjects that so far seem the most interesting are Contracts, Torts and Christian Foundations of Law (CFL). However, I really like my Property Professor, I'm just not a huge fan of the subject. It's weird to me to see classes begin with a devotional. Each class starts with a reading from the bible and either a life lesson or how the reading should guide us as lawyers. For all my classes so far, we've been discussing the biblical basis for dealing with law and handling various sections of law with our faith in mind. For some classes, the biblical basis makes sense, for others (like Property), the argument made seems like justification rather than reason. But, again, the professors (Specifically Property) have acknowledged that, and either addressed it, or indicated that those topics would come up later in the course. I find it fascinating, even if I disagree with some of it. I'm learning to discover a way to articulate why I disagree. If I can't find something, I have to challenge my own perspective. :] It's fun.

Socially, I've made a few friends. I've met a ton of people, but there are three (and a developing fourth and fifth) people I would feel comfortable calling outside of class and be like, "Let's hang out!" That being said, we're all still fairly separate. Each goes on their own to get work done, figure things out and pursue their own lives. Maybe that's because we're all still getting to know each other, or maybe that's just how it's going to be, to an extent. The other possibility is that I'm just not a part of any of the developing "groups" and I'm just gunna be the one on the outside who knows everyone, but is close to only a few. Kind of like high school. It's weird coming back to something like that after being a part of IV where I had solid friends who are really more like family. I knew I belonged somewhere. Here, I feel out of my element. Hopefully, that's going to change with time. As I get to know people in my classes, I figure I'll find a place to be. However, the alone time has definitely made me more productive. :]

This post is becoming longer than I intended it to be. Haha. Sorry for the lack of pictures, I'll make up for it, soon, I promise. :]

I'm going to end on a thought I had this morning. For most of my life, with few exceptions, I've been "above average." In singing, in my Japanese classes, in my understanding of language, my reading level, drawing....etc. There have always been people I was better than, but there have always been many people who were better than me. I was content with this. I have lived my life being okay with being "slightly more than mediocre." Getting into law school, I finally felt like I had escaped some of that.....even if just barely.

Today, I was late to my first class by about 10 minutes. I haven't been sleeping very much or very well, for the last week and a half. I conked out last night and didn't wake up on time. As I was walking to class feeling completely unprepared, I realized that I can't live like this anymore and I don't want to. Someone mentioned to me that when she thought about the fact that, as a lawyer, she was directly involved in the lives of other people and the fate of their future. For example, if a lawyer is trying a criminal case, the verdict could put a person in jail for the rest of their life. Our job is to argue the case of why that should or shouldn't happen. This person's life is in our hands.

How can I take on that responsibility of a life if I'm willing to settle for being mediocre? I can't. Yes, it's going to take a lot of work, but isn't that what I'm here to do? This isn't an idea or a dream anymore. This is my life. I truly believe that I would not have gotten here without God, his love, my faith that he honors promises. I have been given an amazing opportunity to be more than what I've been. After the last two years, I didn't think this could happen anymore. I had thought being here was an unreachable goal. So the question remains: Will I take advantage of it? Or will I just get by, taking this realization of a dream for granted (and wasting A LOT of money)?

I miss you guys. :] I hope all is well on the planet of California. Send me letters! I still don't get much mail. Text/email/facebook message me for my address. :P