Unstoppable

When your heart is full of doubt

As you think that there's no way out

You find your faith that's been lost and shaken

You take back what's been taken

Get on your knees and dig down deep

You can do what you think is impossible

Keep on believing, don't give in

It'll come and make you whole again

It always will, it always does

Love is unstoppable

                             -Rascal Flatts

Greetings.

It has been a very long week.

We had our appellate briefs due on Friday and I completely botched the assignment. Time got away from me, I didn't understand the problem very well and the result was a terrible paper. I know that my grade is not going to be anything close to what I'm capable of. And that is incredibly frustrating to me. I'm mad that I put myself in the situation I did. Had I figured out my problem sooner, I could have asked for help. But I thought I could handle it and didn't realize until way too late that I was in deep trouble. 

Many of the people I've talked to have reminded me that it isn't over yet. I can dwell on how angry I am with myself or I can take back the remainder of the semester. Yes, LARW is over and I botched it, but I still have four other classes that I still have a fighting chance to do really well. As long as I do the work. 

A couple of my friends are in situations not so different from my own. One friend especially is incredibly encouraging. She's constantly reminding me that all we can do is move forward. We've begun keeping each other accountable in getting work done. It's amazing to not have to do things alone. If she reads this, she should know who she is and I hope she's at least remotely aware of how grateful I am that she's become such a good friend to me in Virginia.

I'm discouraged but not beaten, and I've decided that I'm not going down without a fight.

Other than that stuff, life is pretty sweet.

Last weekend, Kris came out! :D The law school was hosting the Barrister's Ball (essentially, law school prom) and Kris came out to go with me. He flew in Friday night and left early Sunday morning. Yep folks, he was here for just over 24 hours. My parents think he's crazy. I think he's fantastic. <3 He got to meet most of my friends and they were glad to meet this boy I talk about all the time. The ball was a lot of fun. I'm really glad I went.

In other news, I have an internship for the summer! I applied for a judicial internship program through my school and I found out on Thursday that I was accepted! I'm super excited.

Unfortunately, there's a catch.....it's in Virginia. So, my wonderful Californians....I will not be coming home for the summer. I know that was my plan, but I have to go with where the job is....which is here.

I'm looking forward to staying here, though. I quite enjoy Virginia. A bunch of my friends will still be here over the summer, so it's not like I'll be all by my lonesome. AND because I'll be driving a ways to the courthouse where I was selected to work, I'll be getting a car! I'm pretty excited. Even though this internship wasn't the internship that I wanted, I've been in situations where what I thought I wanted wasn't actually the best decision at all and things I didn't think I wanted turned out to be life changing.


So that's it. I've got more homework tonight, so I'll finish up here. Like always, I'd love to get mail from you. My mailbox is too full of ads and bills, I could use some love and encouragement instead. haha.

Life of Leaving Home

I am awake and alive

There is something calling me

More than a moment in time

It's a dream I'm following

On my own

More than a moment in time

It's a life of leaving home

                                  -Yellowcard

Greetings Earthlings!

As many of you may have now noticed, I'm back on facebook! I don't check it very often and It's still better to contact me via phone or e-mail, but I am indeed back on facebook. An interesting fact about being off of facebook, my blog viewers decreased to about a fourth of what they had been, which made me sad. Apparently, most of my readers aren't friends with my boyfriend on facebook (he was posting the update notifications for me). So partly because the point of this blog is to update folks on my life, I am going to keep my facebook on, if only for giving notice that there are new posts.

The main reason I will keep it activated, though, is because I have a new phone number! I still have all of my contacts. The beauty of an iPhone is that it saves my contact list to the cloud, so I still have everyone's numbers saved. You don't need to give it to me (unless your number changed, too! Haha). I've said that, but I still have people texting me saying, "Hi! It's so-and-so." I found it mildly amusing (but as it is with most amusing things, it gets old). If you missed my facebook post about my new number, send me an email (it should be attached to this blog), leave a comment on this post, or send me a facebook message. You could also send me a letter. I still like getting those. Speaking of letters! My lovely friend Melissa sent me a Valentine. It made my day. :) 

  

I know it's been a few weeks since I last posted. There generally hasn't been anything interesting to post about. After my last post, we had a few more snow days and I got some better pictures. And lots and lots of school work. I've been doing my best to keep up and am finally feeling fairly confident about this semester. Since I doubt any of you want to hear me go in depth about my love of Contract law, I thought I'd just wait until I had real things to talk about.

There are three main events that have happened other than what I've already mentioned. 

The first was Valentine's Day! It was exciting cause it's the first one I've had with a real Valentine. My wonderful boyfriend sent me flowers and hot chocolate mix (I had been talking about how badly I had been wanting hot chocolate for a while). I had a totally ridiulous card to send to him, too, but I was unable to get to the post-office and it's still sitting on my desk in Virginia. Can we say epic-girlfriend-fail a few times? Haha. We had a nice little Skype date and I was truly thankful for modern technology. It was unfortunate that we couldn't actually be together, but we made our long-distance Valentine's date work.

The second thing was that I had my first interview for a summer internship! I haven't heard back, and I'll give more details if I actually get it, but I got an interview. Just being given the opportunity made me feel like I wasn't completely hopeless and that maybe I've got a real chance in this field. Even more exciting, this is the one that I want. I don't want to jinx it by talking about it too much, so I'll let y'all know when I hear back.

The third thing is Spring Break! I'm back in California for the week; I get to spend time with boyfriend and best friend and good friends and people who make me happy. :] While I still have to work on the newest Voldemort assignment, it's nice to be back in sunny L.A. The flight over here was a shenanigan and I met some interesting people and I ended getting in at like 2am , but it's been very worth it. I'm glad to be home. Since being here, I've gotten a new phone, new number, new haircut, finished a good amount of homework, and, most importantly, enjoyed time with good people. I'll say it again, it's really great to be back.

That being said, I miss Virginia, my apartment, and my friends. Turns out, Virginia's got a piece of my heart and has become one of my "homes." It's weird to know that when it comes time to leave, there will be a part of me that will be sad to go. 

Do You Want to Build a Snowman?

Do you wanna build a snowman?
Come on lets go and play!
                               --From Disney's movie, Frozen

Greetings! I hope everyone is doing well. I had a lovely surprise in my mailbox today! It was Christmas all over again! Literally. I got three late Christmas presents. For the three of you who know who you are, I greatly appreciate the mail. :] Makes me happy. (See how happy I get when y'all put mail in my mailbox? winkwink-hinthint-nudgenudge.

In other news, I've been busy trying to keep up with school work and applying to internships. I think that's been the running theme of my life the last few weeks. It's been so helpful to not have Facebook, I quite enjoy it, actually. I receive more texts, emails, and general communication so it helps me out. It also helps me filter the amount of useless things I say and waste time on. Haha.

I've been applying to internships in California, lately. I've discovered a particular distaste for writing cover letters. I have three running versions that I'll adapt for different jobs, but it took me a while to get to that point. There are so many nit-picky rules!Also had to deal with printing some physical copies and envelopes... I think I made it significantly harder than it needed to be. Haha.  It get so anxious cause I'm still not sure if I'm even doing it right. But deadlines are approaching, so I need to get over myself, take the plunge and apply.

Other than that there hasn't been anything interesting going on... except, of course, the snow.

Tuesday night, it snowed in Virginia Beach leaving us with a couple of inches of the pretty, white fluffy stuff. But we also had sun, so very soon after we had snow, we had lots of ice. School ended up being fairly wonky this week. Monday we had no school due to the holiday; then, Thursday we didn't have class due to a Student/Faculty "Retreat" (speaker, lunch, etc)... even though that was half-way cancelled because of the weather. Friday, one of my classes was cancelled because my professor went out of town. It was like an extension of winter break. We were all quite pleased. Not like we got a break from the work though. Haha.

I was quite excited about the snow in general (to the dismay of my east coast classmates who were not). I've never lived in a place where we had snowfall that stuck to the ground. It's starting to melt though, so it'll be gone soon enough. I'm hoping it will take it's time, but such is not typically my luck.

So that's it! Time to get back to homework. I hope y'all have a lovely week and I'll be posting again soon. :]

How Can I Keep From Singing

What tho' my joys and comforts die?

The Lord my Saviour liveth;

What tho' the darkness gather round?

Songs in the night he giveth.

No storm can shake my inmost calm

While to that refuge clinging;

Since Christ is Lord of heaven and earth,

How can I keep from singing?

                                                                 --Traditional Hymn (Version I like best by Mackenzie Tolk)

Note on the song: please, please, please listen to this song. Please. I cannot portray accurately enough how much this song resonates with the feeling behind not only this post, but just the last few years of my life. Also, Mackenzie Tolk is an incredibly talented singer and worth listening to.

[This was originally and the end of the "Beautiful Day" post, but due to length an the dramatic shift in subject content, I split the posts into two. You can read them in either order, they don't connect in any way, and unlike most of my posts, this one is less about my present life and more about how I got here.]

Between posting "Close the Distance" and this one, I've really thought about why I came here.  Actually, it's a question I've been asked many times, as well. "Why Virginia?"; "Why law school?"; "Why that school?"...the list goes on but the question is always "Why?" After I shot myself in the foot with last semester's academic performance, I realized that, if I'm going to succeed, I have to be able to honestly answer the question of why I'm here. 

Before I go into it, I'd like to preface that this next part is nearly exclusively impacted by the fact that I am Christian. I truly and completely believe in what Jesus taught. There are things I don't understand yet, and there are things I've learned and continue to learn over and over again. So, my point is, I don't tell this story with any hidden motive or meaning. It's just my story. It's me being honest.

  

So, when I started undergrad, I wanted to be a flight attendant and for reasons that didn't make a lick of sense, I was a music major. I didn't like it much. For as much as I enjoyed music and singing, it just wasn't the right fit for me. My first semester, though, I also took a Japanese class. I loved it. There weren't enough Tuesdays and Thursdays in the week to satisfy how much I wanted to learn. That professor also taught linguistics, and often referred to linguistic concepts in class. I got crazy obsessed with that, too. It wasn't long before I was a Linguistics and Japanese double major. My dreams of what I'd do with that, though, changed frequently. With my lack of direction and inability to stay focused, I wasn't doing great. Then, about the time I was finishing my second year, my life started to get bumpy. 

Enter God. Up until this point, God didn't matter to me so much. I had been involved in church and youth group on and off for most of my life, but it wasn't something I really cared about. Granted, for as much as I enjoyed things, I didn't really care about anything. I was selfishly motivated and hated change. I was charismatic and could make acquaintances easily, but I felt completely isolated. It took my life beginning to unwind for me to begin to realize that I couldn't keep living like that. I became a Christian because this belief in God gave me a better way to do things and something to live for. Faith changed everything. My life still had a bit of unwinding to do, but I didn't feel alone anymore.

Some time later, God said, "Go to law school" (I use the word 'said' loosely. It wasn't an audible voice, and I can't really explain how I knew that was what God wanted from me, but I did, and so I accepted that as fact). My responding attitude was something between: a real, "Sure, okay." And a more sarcastic, "Sure, let me get right on that." Eventually, my dream ended up becoming to go to law school. Nearly immediately after I'd decided that I was indeed going to apply, an Intervarsity (Christian organization on college campuses) staff worker told me about this school in Virginia called Regent University. As he told me, I knew, with the same certainty that I did about going to law school in the first place, that this was the school I would go to. When I got the chance, I checked out the website. I was pretty stoked. I just had to go to this school. 

There's a fairly significant fact I've been leaving out. Not purposely, but it just hasn't been as important for the point of the story thus far. But why I had to go to Regent requires this to fully understand its meaning. So, since about high school, I have been aware and passionate about the fight against human trafficking. Going to law school was not independent of this fight; I want to be a part of it. Between high school and about the middle of undergrad, while I got fairly apathetic about things, I stopped caring about the outside world, too. But again I say: faith changed everything. My heart and drive woke up and I just had to do something. Regent has this thing called the Center of Global Justice, dedicated to fight for religious freedom, the oppressed, the enslaved, the orphan, the widow....etc. Law and Justice. In one school. This was why I was stoked. This is why I went and moved two thousand, three hundred and seventy-seven miles away (according to google maps, my apartment and Kris's house are 2,377 miles apart, but the driving distance is closer to 2,700 miles). This is why I came here. To do something. So I can't say that I don't want this anymore; it was never about what I wanted. It's about that fact that I decided to care. 

There's a little more to the story. Well, a lot more, but I'm not comfortable sharing it over a public blog online. (More than happy to share in a more private setting). The gist of the rest is that I shouldn't have been able to get here. There are many reasons why my being here shouldn't have been possible. Miracle after miracle of opening doors, last minute decisions and so much mercy from people who love me, people who didn't like me very much, and people who have no idea who I am. 

I'm very thankful to God for my life and the opportunity to be here. In all honestly, if I left or failed out, I have no idea what I'd do with my time. All the things I planned out for myself don't hold weight anymore. I can't explain how deeply the desire to do something is rooted in my heart. So I hope that I remember that through the mundane and challenge of law school, I didn't come here to fail.

[Since my life is kinda the same everyday, and will be for a while, I might post more posts about life in general, similar to this one. I haven't decided. If I wait for interesting things to happen, I might not post at all. Haha.]

Beautiful Day

Oh oh, my my

I'm learning to fly

Hey, hey, what's that you're saying?

Let's not forget we're alive.

                                         -Joshua Radin

Greetings! As some of you may know, I deactivated my Facebook yesterday. It's been amazing to see how just removing access to Facebook eliminated a whole host of distractions. I've finished all my reading for Monday and Tuesday and have made a substantial dent in reading for Thursday. :D It's nice to know it's possible. AND!! As I get better at this, I should be able to get all the week's reading done over the weekend so it's just review over the week. That would be cool.

Other than homework, today was super productive. I've almost finished my resume and started figuring out how to write a cover letter. I'm refreshing my Japanese before I start really studying for the JLPT, so I worked on that for a bit. And then, I also signed up for a membership at the YMCA in town, meaning that for the first time in months I was able to swim. :D I had two thoughts about the experience:

1. I should never, ever, ever stop swimming again. I forget how much I like it sometimes. 
2. The second was that I am significantly more out of shape than I thought. It's going to take some time to get back to swimming longer sets. 

Regardless, I had fun and I exercised like I'm supposed to. It's also about a half mile walk to the gym, so I walked a mile, too! I'm also in the process of getting laundry done. So I went from not knowing how I was supposed to have enough hours in the day to get my stuff done to being more productive than I think I've ever been in my life. I feel pretty good about it, too. PROGRESS. I'll say it's the first step towards victory, and continue onwards.

A note about school:
Apparently, my situation is slightly worse than I initially thought, and so there is more at stake than I realized. Thankfully, I have people here who care about me and have been giving me ideas and advice about how to succeed this semester. At this point, what remains is me and my will/desire/commitment/ability to get it done. This week went all right, and so far next week looks promising. I just need to keep it up. Any and all encouragement, prayers and love are always welcomed. :] (Especially in the form of letters! ;] )

I hope everyone is doing well. To remind you again, I'm still accepting letters (and Starbucks/Chipotle/Target/Amazon gift cards, for that matter). :P

If needed, you can email me at thewaterlessfish@gmail.com since I no longer have facebook. My phone number is likely changing in about a month, so I'll let y'all know when that happens.

:]

P.S. There is a second part to this post, but due to length and subject content, I split them into two. If you got here via link to this post, you might not have seen it. 

Close the Distance

Run
Like it's time that's chasing us
Like you will never find enough
Like you forgot the words "give up"
And live to close the distance
               -Go Radio
                                        (I highly encourage people to listen to this song)

Happy New Year!!!

With Friends at lunch after the Contracts final :]
We had a free milkshake and decided to share it between the six of us.

Greetings from the other side of finals! And Break! And ya know, 2013!

Anyway, this time, I do apologize for the delay. I had planned on posting during break, while I was in California, but posting on my iPad is a bit cumbersome. So I decided I'd just wait until I got back. :] To avoid this becoming a novel, I'm going to skip Thanksgiving and finals. I'll post some pictures, but that's it. :]

I've spent the last few weeks in sunny California. It was lovely. I spent the first half in Northridge, visiting my friends, my boyfriend and his family. However, I didn't get to see everyone I wanted, so I was fairly disappointed when I had to leave for Sacramento. The trade-off with leaving, though, was that I got to spend time with my folks! I hadn't seen them since they left Virginia back in July. I was certainly happy to see them again. Christmas with the usual crowd was fantastic. Good food, great times, crackers, and did I mention how good the food was?

New Year's Ladies....and my dad.

We spent New Years with our lovely neighbors and friends from the area. I was crazy excited because Kris joined my family for New Years! :D He stayed with us until the 2nd, when I returned to Virginia. It was quite sad leaving. It'll be several months before I see my folks again, and almost exactly two months until I'll see Kris again. :[

All that sad stuff being said though, I'm actually glad to be back. If I sit around too long I get restless. I used to hate that about my undergrad, the winter break was waaaay too long. This went by fast and I wish I could stay with my friends longer, for sure, but I am ready to go back to school. I wanna get this done so I can get this done. I didn't do very well last semester and to get to where I need to be, I need a semester GPA higher than I've ever had in my life. So I better get on that. Haha. The plan was to get a part-time job and a car this semester, but I'm gunna have to wait on that until I can pull my grades up.

New Year's Men....My dad can't just smile for a picture. 

I'm not one for New Year's Resolutions. I've only made one that lasted throughout the year and for several years after. A few years ago, I stopped drinking soda. For the most part, I still don't drink soda. Just after law school started, I started drinking Mountain Dew and Cherry Coke for the caffeine and that was the gateway to drinking other sodas. But now my caffeine intake is being limited, so I think I've run out of excuses. Now that I think about it, no more soda sounds like a good plan.

Thaaat was actually a tangent.

So I'm not making New Year's Resolutions this year. I just happen to have a list of things that need to change and that necessity happens to be coming about around New Year's. It's really just a change in priorities: God, Health, School, Japanese, School, People. (Yeah, I put school on there twice on purpose). So I have goals to meet:

1. I have to get a 3.5 this semester (coming from last semester....that's going to be crazy difficult for me)
2. I've got to start taking better care of myself (eating well, exercise....if this isn't the biggest stereotype of new year's resolution, I don't know what is...so you have no reason to believe me when I say that it isn't)
3. I want to take and pass the JLPT N2 this year (This is actually relevant to my life again...I just don't feel like explaining why at the moment)
4. Regain sanity. (Half joking on this one. Haha)

I think this is my favorite picture of us...
Granted, we only have like 10.

And there you go. Goals. I was talking to Kris about how to proceed and how to actually change these things rather than just talking about them. Being the wonderful, supporting boyfriend that he is, he's decided to join me in some of them. He's going to work harder, I'm going to work harder and the idea is to encourage each other while we do it. It's harder to make excuses when someone so close is there with you...even from the opposite side of the country.

To be honest, at some point last semester, I forgot that I chose to be here and that's a large reason why I didn't do well. It seems like a silly thing to forget but I did and fell into a slump. I started feeling sorry for myself that I left everyone I loved back home. I was homesick. I felt unqualified and incapable. I wanted to go home and just quit. A couple years ago, I gave up. School didn't matter, people didn't matter and I spent far too much time laying on the couch or in bed feeling sorry for myself. My roommate's mentor said something very simple to me that I haven't forgotten: Finish what you started. Law school was not my first choice in life paths. Yet, I still tried to be here. I worked hard to get here. I desperately had wanted to get in. And here I am. That work paid off. Then, I got caught up in complaining about the subjects, the workload or the fact that I was lonely. So much so that I didn't want to be here anymore. But I don't want to be someone who doesn't follow through. 

I'm going to finish what I started. 

I'll Be There for You

You're still in bed at ten and work began at eight 
You've burned your breakfast, so far things are going great 
Your mother warned you there'd be days like these 
But she didn't tell you when the world has brought you down to your knees that
I'll be there for you 
                                     -As done by Boyce Avenue

Greetings!

I know there are major gaps in my posts, but lately, nothing but school has been happening. However, this is about to change! Monday is our last day of official class, then we have the rest of the week for Thanksgiving and studying (not in that order) and then we have two weeks of finals. And THEN, ladies and gentlemen, I will have finished my first semester at law school. In a way, I can't believe it went by so fast, and yet in a way, I can't believe it took so long. I'm looking forward to it being over....I can't wait to go home to California. This time, I actually have time to go to Sacramento and get to see my parents! It's exciting. I'm excited. :D

So, the last two weeks or so have been a little different. A couple weeks ago I made chili for the chili cook-off at my school. I didn't win. :[ BUT, according to my friend and the lady at the table, mine was one of the first to run out from sales to the public. One of my other friends joked that I must have won the people's choice award. Haha, that's a nice thought. The law school didn't go unrepresented though, and another law student won second place. I can be happy for him. :]

Last weekend, I went to northern Virginia with some friends (Michael, Lila and Cassie) for a Rend Collective concert (if you don't know who they are, look 'em up. They're really good). Cassie went to stay with friends and Lila and I stayed at Michael's parents' house and it was wonderful getting to sleep in a bed again. His parents were very nice and welcoming, we had a really wonderful time. In the morning, we helped Michael's mom with a puzzle and ended up getting a much later start than we would have liked. But it was relaxing and an appreciated change of environment.

After we left Michael's place we drove the last 40 minutes to DC and met up with Cassie to go to the Library of Congress to do some homework. Thought it would be a lot cooler than it was. The law library ended up not being so spectacular. But Cassie took us through an underground tunnel to the Jefferson building (I think) which was absolutely beautiful.
But we got there right as they were closing down, so we walked around DC a bit and saw the Supreme Court building, the ACLJ office, the capital building (had a YOLO moment there, and I blame Cassie <3), and I think one other place, but I don't remember.

We went to Cassie's old church on Sunday and then drove back to Virginia Beach (haha, I almost wrote Northridge). The rest of the night was spent doing homework, talking to Kris and watching a movie over skype.

This week has been mostly review. Since we only have class on Monday next week, our T/Th classes are now over, but most of my professors are having Q&A study sessions next week to prepare us for finals. I'm not as worried as I probably should be, but I think I'm gunna do alright. I'm going to miss spending Thanksgiving with my family this year, but mostly everyone not from the area is staying here (cause of finals), so we're doing something for Thanksgiving ourselves.

In the spirit of Thanksgiving, I'm thankful for all of you who read this blog. It makes me feel less alone when I know there are twenty some-odd people reading this (Blogger tracks how many page views, so I know. haha) who care enough to spend 15 minutes out of their days to see what's up with me. I appreciate it as well as all the encouragement and support, I've gotten, too.

Also on a note of Thanksgiving I would like to give thanks for five things.

1. God. I couldn't have gotten to where I am on my own, and I am so indebted every day. My faith and my life because of what God does is incredible. I promised I wouldn't get preachy on this blog, but I'm always down to talk about the specifics of this point in a personal conversation via whatever convenient mean.
2. My folks. Every step of the way since I said, "I'm going to law school," they've been nothing but supportive. Especially since I moved here, they've done so much to give me every chance to succeed. I'm forever grateful.
3. My friends. Sabrena, Matthew, M@, Rachel, Shannon & Dustin, Brendan, Joanna, Laura, Erin, Amanda, Melissa, Monte, Darin....the list is way too long to type out everyone's names. You guys have been there when I call and I'm so ready to pack up and come home to talk me out of being ridiculous. I don't keep in touch as much as I'd like, but I'm grateful to know I have all y'all who care for me.
4. This school and my classmates. To hear my professors tell us that they're praying for us, that they prayed over our applications, that they pray for us during finals....it's amazing to know that your law professors care for you. It really is a rare thing. And without my 1L's and other friend's I've made here I definitely wouldn't be able to survive.
5. Kris. Words don't work here. The list grows all the time of the ways you make sure I know that I'm loved and supported and taken care of...all from 2700 miles away. I'm very grateful to be with you.

There. My 5 things I'm giving thanks for over this blog. There are many many more that I'm reminded of all the time, but this post is long enough as it is, so I won't make it longer. I hope your holidays are wonderful.

Oh! Sidenote: I can't promise to post in the next few weeks, but chances are I might resurface to let y'all know I'm alive.

AND!!!! STILL, please send me mail! All I get is junk mail and it makes me sad. :(

Have a good week, month, holiday and life. <3 I shall send you off with my favorite season....FALL!!